In the beginning, it was just us and Him. We were His first creation, his most perfect servants. We loved Him with our whole beings. We lived on His infinite glory. We basked in His light. But we weren’t enough, could never be enough. That is why He made them. That is why He gave them His most precious gift: free will. He gave them choice. And with that choice, they broke His heart.
I watched them for a long time. They did not seem overly special to me. They did not have wings or gleaming pelts. They had nothing at all to distinguish them above the other mindless creatures but their awareness of their own existence and their capability to love. And they did love each other and their Father as they should. Yet I saw they were flawed. I told Him this. He merely smiled. I asked why He needed to make such creatures to love Him when His First did so already. I came to understand, by His wordless response, that it was the choice which made their love so precious. The First had no free will and thus had no choice. Love was built into us. But with choice came a love so wondrous it could make the heaven’s weep. So I watched them further that I might learn of this choice.
I saw none. Time passed and I became convinced that in order for there to be choice there must be opposing options to choose from. They had none. Nothing could oppose the Father. I thought on this for some time and came to the conclusion that in order to see this choice I must present an option contrary to His will. I must tempt them. This was a terrible trial. It was a physical pain to even contemplate going against the Father, even as a test. I struggled to come up with another option. I thought perhaps to seek out my fellows for advice yet I knew that they were not up to the task. I was the highest. It was my duty to serve with all my heart. After much deliberation, I came to the conclusion that there could be no harm in tempting them. If they truly chose love, then I would accept their superiority. If they did not, then the Father would know that they should be erased so that He could begin again. Yes, this logic suited me.
When I presented my idea to Him, He said not a word. He seemed sad, something I had never seen before and it frightened me. But I knew I was right. I knew that those creatures might prove to be false and they might hurt Him. I would rather have never existed than allow Him any pain. He did not refuse my request.
The Garden was quiet. Light was still some time off and most of the world was sleeping. I found a lizard, an old friend of mine. He had beautiful scales and bright eyes. With a word I gave him speech and a task to complete. Then I waited, sometimes sitting, sometimes pacing, as the time passed and the world awoke. The grass released a sweet scent under my paws and the breeze played with the feathers of my wings. The dawn light warmed my fur and my ears twitched nervously with the growing sounds of life. Then I heard footsteps.
I could not hear His words, but I felt his pain tremble through me and fell to my knees. There were cries from all the beasts and that woman. The sky darkened with clouds, swirling and tormented. The whole world must have felt it. I spread my wings over my head as the rain came down and cried into the mud until I felt hollowed out. This agony, this torment of my being, had I caused it? No. They had. Given the choice, they chose to break His heart. It was their fault.
But it was over now, I told myself foolishly. Surely they would be erased and a new being would be created to replace them, one deserving of His love and devotion. One not so easily tempted. When I returned, the First were all crying. They felt His agony as acutely as I did. Most wept for Him but some wept for the lost Children. I asked why they said “lost” and they replied that the children had been banished, never to return to the Garden. I felt something new then, a deep, hot fire inside my chest. I realized that it was anger at the same moment I found I was in His presence. I knelt before Him, unable to look Him in the eye.
Why would He let them live? Why would He not start again? Why could He not be satisfied with His First, who loved and worshipped Him without being told, without bribery and promises? He said nothing. He did not need to speak for me to understand. It had always been this way between us. It was why I was His brightest star, why He gave me my name. But I could not understand this. They had hurt Him. We all felt it and we wept with this pain because we had never hurt before. Why would he create something so painful? What did it matter if their love was that much more precious because it was a choice? They chose wrongly! They did not deserve the gift given them. What is the point of having a choice if you are going to choose incorrectly?
I knew He still loved them. I knew that if they repented, He would welcome them back. I knew they were unworthy of such a gift. They would hurt Him again and I could not allow it. I would not! I left Him to gather the First. They would listen to me. They had to. To protect Him, the Children must be destroyed. It was our duty to save Him from this flawed love. But some of them would not listen. The Messenger and the Warrior refused. They believed that the Father’s will should be adhered to, even if it broke His heart. As servants, they had to obey. This saddened me, but I would not fight them. With a reduced force, I led them to the world to fix the one mistake ever made by the Father.
The Children were banished to the wastelands and they wandered directionless for some time before finding a place safe to live. Or so they thought. It was easy to find them. They were not alone when we found them, however. The Messenger stood before a host of my fellows. They were under orders to prevent my rebellious act. The anger flared up within me. I will never forget what happened next. I was overwhelmed by the need to destroy anything that stood between me and my duty. The Children had to die. It was justice. It was right.
The wastelands were drenched in the remnants of the First. There was no blood because we don’t bleed. There were no bodies because we have no bodies, not really. We do not live so much as exist. When we are destroyed, we do not die, we cease to be. We are the tears of the Creator, shed with joy on the first day. What are the Children? Nothing but animals who selfishly abuse their gifts, who choose to ignore or forget their Father, who daily wrench His heart with their indifference.
I and those who fought with me are banished to the Void, to starve for eternity from lack of His love and glory. My faithful friends cry in agony, warp into insanity and evil. Some returned to the world and mingled with the Children. I alone remain pure and loyal to Him. I will prove to Him that they are unworthy. They don’t deserve His love, mercy or grace. They deserve nonexistence and if it takes me all of eternity, I will prove it to Him. They call me a traitor now. But I was the only one strong enough to try to hurt those who hurt Him. After all, I am the brightest of His stars.