I don’t know what to write. So…I’m just gonna write and see what happens.
Today I learned a lot of stuff about Vampires that I already knew. More surprising, I learned a few things I didn’t know. That’s why I like brilliant professors. They know more than I do, even on subjects I’m extremely well versed on. It makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth. As irritated as I get about some of my school’s policies, I know I’m getting a quality education. I just wish I knew how to apply it. I don’t feel like I’m being trained, which is very different from being taught. I like that I am getting a very broad literary foundation because I know I can use that for my own writing. But I don’t plan on relying on writing as a living (it would be nice, but I would prefer to have something steady, not reliant on my imagination and the fickleness of the masses, no offense to the masses). So what do I want to do?
I want to read all day, every day. I know. That’s a ridiculous dream, right? But I think it’s very realistic. I want to be an editor, to read what people write and tell them how to fix it. I want to guide and motivate writers toward their magnum opus. Anyone know what that job is called?
It’s probably something as simple as “I want to work in publishing.” You know what sucks about that. Publishers, at least the big ones with internships, are in New York. I have never been fond of big cities. This is a childish excuse to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone for what would be an awesome career if I could land it. I know that. I have trouble sleeping because of this. When my husband retires, it’s up to me and I’m scared out of my mind (yes, I’m exaggerating on the level of reliance we’ll have on my income, but not on the mounting level of panic).
This is not a plea for advice. I will make flimsy excuses for anything you all come up with (ask my Mom, she knows). I just started writing and this came out. I have 2 semesters of school left, with a summer break in between them. I will figure this out, I will face my compulsive excuses in the eye and find a way to shut them up. I just can’t stand it when people say things like “it’s not hard” or “you just have to put yourself out there” and other such things. It’s not helpful, it makes me feel worthless, and it does nothing to motivate me (or anyone else, in case you were wondering).
I have to get back to my homework, so I’ll just leave this on a somewhat sour note. Sorry, peeps.