This morning, I walked my butt off. If you happen to find it, please let me know. I need it for sitting and filling out my jeans.
People who struggle with their weight tend to hate people like me. I am not skinny. By model standards, I’m practically obese. However, my weight and BMI is average for my height, which makes me thin but still curvy (stupid thighs). This engenders hate, not merely because I’m thin, but because I don’t have a rigorous work out schedule and strict diet to maintain my weight (not since I got out of the Army 4 years ago). In fact, I tend to lose weight when I stop working out.
However, like everyone else in this culture I have body image issues, and as 30 looms closer I’m becoming more paranoid about weight gain. Both my parents are obese. Most of my brothers are overweight. Most of my friends are overweight, or think they’re overweight. I may be thin, but I’m not in shape. I am weak-muscled and I get out of breath far too easily.
Okay, that sounds lame. Here’s the thing. I don’t have personal discipline. I hate going to the gym (get up, get dressed, drive over, get gross, drive home, shower, feel exhausted the rest of the day, ugh). Even when there were classes I loved, like Body Combat and Spinning, I still needed a Gym Buddy to keep me going every day. I stopped going when we moved here because they don’t teach Body Combat anywhere and my Gym Buddy was too far away.
I also have a healthy distaste for running. Before you running fans leap down my throat, please understand that running in the Army was always stressful and painful. The Army pushes you to your limits in many ways, but it doesn’t care if you get to your limit the healthy way so long as you get there. I got stress fractures in my hips at Basic. I needed knee braces by the time I was 25. I told my sister once that I knew I had done a good run when I felt near throwing up at the end. She was aghast, for some reason. And don’t get me started on unit runs, which are supposed to be team- and morale-building exercises yet somehow contrive to be exquisite forms of torture. You try getting 1600 people to run at the same pace (too slow for most males, too fast for most females) for two miles, and don’t forget to yell at and shame those people who can’t keep the pace.
Anyway, I hate running. My hips and knees agree with me. I also hate “dieting.” I love chocolate. In fact, sugar is major weakness of mine which my teeth do not thank me for. Salt is a close second, followed by butter. I have significantly reduced my intake of these guilty pleasures, but if I ever had to give them up entirely it wouldn’t happen. I love food. I will not go through my life on “diets” when I can just be conscientious of what I eat now and train my taste buds away from the foods that will kill me (I’m looking at you, fast food).
This is my point. If I ever become overweight, I have no confidence that I will be able to drop the pounds on my own. Besides college tuition, it’s what scares me most about having kids. What if I spend the rest of my life trying to get rid of the baby weight? I know this is silly. I know Buddy will help me get back in shape if I ask. I know it is silly to be scared of something that hasn’t happened. Still, it’s the only motivation I have now. I can’t allow myself to gain weight (which is not the same as being out of shape, believe me). If I stay in shape now, maybe I won’t have to fight my weight later.
It’s not a good long-term motivator. When school starts and the temperature drops, you probably won’t see me walking. It’s difficult to be paranoid of something that doesn’t appear to be happening. Then again, if I keep reading my Mom’s blog about her weight loss struggle and the insane amount of gym work she puts herself through, I might just stay motivated. Here’s what I did today.
40 min walk (personal best on distance in the first 20, beat my time by 13 sec on the way back)
5 sets of:
20 sec push-ups (on my knees to alleviate shoulder pain)
40 sec Charlie Mansons (abdominal twist)
20 sec leg lift
20 back crunches
All of this while my cats watched disdainfully, because if they get obese it’s my fault, not theirs.
To all you naturally skinny girls:
Do not assume that you can eat whatever you want.
Do not assume that skinny equals healthy.
Do not EVER mock overweight or obese people, especially when you see them working out. Most people aren’t born that way. Even with good genes and a high metabolism, it can and will happen to you if you don’t take care of yourself.
(Sorry about the soap box. I had meant this to be funny and all this seriousness happened instead. Next post, nothing but jokes. I promise.)