Insecurities


I got a bit of backlash for claiming I’m not that pretty (https://ithilen.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/ironic-whistling/).  So I thought I would clarify.

You don’t see it because you aren’t looking.  Everyone has self-image issues.  When I look in the mirror, I am looking at the same face I see every day and it isn’t often that I dwell on the positive.  I see the scars from compulsive picking and the zits and the jaw line that’s a little too round and the atrocious teeth.  I see eyebrows that need tweezing and skin that needs smoothing.  But it’s my face and I accept that I have a pretty good set up, all things considered.

I also had a childhood where I was called ugly, where my flaws were pointed out, where I couldn’t live up to the ideal.  Didn’t we all get that?  So even though I’m a grown woman with a decent figure and pleasant features, I don’t measure up.  I could be taller, trimmer, could dress better and make an effort with my hair.  I could wear make up every day like every other woman on the planet (it seems).  But at the end of the day, or rather, at the beginning of the day, I’m tired and don’t feel like making an effort.  I may feel guilty about that sometimes (don’t ask me why) and I may dread leaving college for places where jeans and a t-shirt don’t cut it.  So when some stranger pays me a compliment, my immediate thought is that he must be joking.  Girls who dress up in frilly sun dresses and wear make up and high heels get whistled at.  I, in my flip-flops and jeans, lugging my back pack, am not on display.  It just catches me off guard and sets off all the insecurities that we all deal with all the time, even when we have wonderful people who point out the truth of our individual beauty.

Thank you for saying I’m pretty.  It means a lot more coming from friends and family than it does from some lurker on the street.

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1 Comment

15AM000000122011 · 00:53

One response to “Insecurities

  1. Makes complete sense.
    But, I will point out, some guys like the flip flops and jeans kind of girl. Not all guys go for makeup and heels.
    Otherwise we wouldn’t have the men we do.
    But I hear you. Until we develop a sense of who we are as women and how we decide to define our own beauty our first reaction will always be “I’m being mad fun of.”

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