Tag Archives: Dumb People

On Riots and Insurrection: Language Warning


A friend today asked me if I was ok. Not because he was worried, but because he was expecting me to be spitting fire about the insurrection in DC yesterday. And if you ask my husband I was, to the point where I had to put down my cross stitch (my newest hobby, don’cha know) and take some deep breaths. But I’ve been radio silent on social media except to share the daily newsletter of a historian I follow (Heather Cox Richardson, slight Democratic bias, but very informative and insightful).

I have been on Facebook almost constantly, though, doom scrolling away, reading the comments of the “unfollow me now” posts and the “those people don’t represent us” and the general nastiness that happens on social media when one side feels justified and the other feels defensive. My mantra has been (for months now) Don’t Engage With People You Don’t Know. I made that mistake over the summer when I got in a sparring match against someone on a friend’s page who turned out to be his close family. I had crossed a line without realizing it because I was too focused on how clever and right I was. Even when that’s true, it’s no excuse to go after someone I don’t know from Adam.

Anyway, here are my thoughts. MLK said that “a riot is the language of the unheard” and that still holds true. This last summer we saw some rioting and looting (which is shocking considering how angry and pent up everyone was), but we also saw millions of people participating in peaceful protests for months. And nothing fucking changed. We watched people tear apart Target and cops shooting rubber bullets at pregnant women and reporters. We saw children maced. We saw atrocities and rebellion and violence and we bickered about it on social media as though any of it would matter. The cop who shot Jacob Black in the back seven times IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS is not being charged because the DA hasn’t ever had a job where he felt his life was in danger. What. The. Fuck does that have to do with ANYTHING.

What is even the point of being angry anymore? What does it change? I’ve been angry for months? Years? I’ve watched powerful people make billions off a pandemic and then continued to give them my money because I need stuff they sell. I’ve watched conspiracy theories profligate because the media and people who should know better overtly support them since it gets them more views and more power. I’ve seen my friends share hateful memes and spread lies because it made them feel better about “their side.”

And now this. Fucking Trump and his Fucking Base cosplaying Wyatt Fucking Earp (or whatever) strolling into the Capitol so they can selfie how badass they are. They took down an American flag and put up a Trump flag. Remember when Kaepernick knelt for the Anthem and you burned your jersey? Are you burning your MAGA hats and flags and political yard signs yet?

Wanna know the difference between a riot and insurrection? Intent. I don’t know who was rioting this summer or what their intent was besides lashing out. I don’t actually care. I was pissed off (outraged, you might say) at the time because goddammit they were finally getting the world stage and some greedy, pathetic fucks thought, Guess I’ll get a tv, or some shit. Regardless. Those mother fuckers yesterday brought bombs and molotov cocktails and zip tie cuffs so they could take fucking hostages. That’s intent. And just because they didn’t have the balls to do anything more than light vandalism and tourist rebellion doesn’t mean they should be let off. They brought their goddamn Confederate/Nazi propaganda into the Capitol with the explicit purpose of disrupting a sanctioned act of democracy. Fuck. Them.

But I digress. What I meant to say is I’m sorry we didn’t listen. I’m sorry we laughed at your cockamamie conspiracy theories and brushed you off as kooks. I’m sorry we unfollowed/unfriended you so all you had was your fucking echo chamber to scream hate into. But you’re still fucking cosplayers who actually breached the Capitol and did fuck-all to change anything. How embarrassing. How many times have you chuckleheads stormed a government building and then left without doing a goddamn thing? You didn’t even get into a shootout with the feds and the votes were still certified mere hours later. The Bolsheviks murdered the whole royal family and ya’ll had a guy tase himself to death. P a t h e t i c.

Now, to the rest of you. I don’t know anyone who was cheering them on. I’m sure there were plenty, but they aren’t my people. The Line in the Sand People, I am glad you feel angry enough to speak your mind. Continue to do that. Call people on their bs. Use the Socratic Method, though. Trying to argue doesn’t work, which is why we keep unfriending everybody and nothing changes. When somebody spouts lies, fact check them with reputable sources. When somebody makes a statement that you disagree with, ask questions. What do you mean by that? Ok, what do you mean by that? Basically, question them into unraveling their own argument. Keep it simple, as paragraphs of counter-argument means they can focus on or misinterpret one small thing and do their own paragraph response that doesn’t actually argue against you. Anyone who tried explaining white privilege to white people this summer has experienced this and it never convinces anyone of a goddamn thing.

The unfollow/unfriend ultimatums, I get it but there’s literally no risk/reward there. I don’t notice when people unfriend/unfollow me. I have lots of friends and I really only consistently see posts from a few dozen? So if I lost friends because I support BLM and social justice and trans lives and comprehensive social programs, I might never know. I’ve seen several fights break out in the comment sections of those Unfriend Me posts, but most people will see that ultimatum and not even hesitate to Bye Felicia. Why fight when you can just disappear? No confrontation necessary and they can rest safe in the belief that they are right and that their former friend was just being unreasonable (it’s such a shame, I thought I knew them so well). I’m not saying don’t draw a line in the sand. Just be aware that the consequences aren’t nearly so dire that people will change their beliefs/politics/whatever just to continue seeing your humorous memes and cute cat photos.

To the They Don’t Represent Me crowd. You’re feeling defensive. I remember that feeling when cities were on fire this summer. If you feel the phrase “I don’t condone them but” forming in your mind, Walk Away. What you are about to post is some pathetic attempt to excuse any guilt by association you have while also placing the Real Blame on someone else. I get the impulse, but it doesn’t work. When violence broke out we said most protests are peaceful (which was true) and opponents still used the actions of a few to dismiss the will of millions. When we tried whataboutisms (what about the armed lockdown protests that blocked hospitals during a pandemic?), opponents rightly yelled False Equivalency. Those just circle the blame ad nauseum. When we tried reason and statistics, they called us liars and fakes and selfish millenials. Now I’m hearing the exact same weak shit and I’m begging you to stop.

I. Don’t. Care. The “Not All ###” defenses are tired. Not All Men. Not All Cops. Not All White People. Not All Republicans/Conservatives/Trumpies. Just stop. That’s not a fucking defense, it’s whining. Instead of complaining about how unfair it is to be lumped in with these people who look and sound and act like you but certainly aren’t, take Responsibility. That means demanding accountability for those who claim your tribe but misrepresent it. So cops calling out bad cops, men calling out toxic masculinity, white people calling out white privilege, and All of Us calling out “our side” when they’re spreading bs. Someone says they heard Antifa was actually behind the insurrection, Google it. If Associated Press didn’t say it, don’t believe it. And then go back to that person and correct them. Police your own damn people. Why bother rocking the boat? Just cuz you don’t say anything doesn’t mean you agree with it, right? Doesn’t mean you disagree either, Karen, but staying silent means you don’t get to decide which it is. Correcting your own people is more effective because of a major factor in our cognitive reasoning. It’s called implicit bias. You get spot-checked by the enemy and they’re lying/drinking the kool-aid/just being contrary. You get spot-checked by your own people and you’re more likely to believe them because they don’t have an agenda against you. That is how we Fix This Reality Split. The alternative is what we’ve been doing. Yelling at each other until we quit because there’s no use. Unfriend, unfollow, block, and create alternate realities that are so fundamentally different that we can’t even talk any more unless we know everyone in the room is in the same reality. STOP IT. IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK. (This is not to say remain friends/family with people who are toxic/bad for your mental health and well-being. Those people can fuck right off.)

This (hopefully) final section is for the Enablers in the Government. You. Mother. Fuckers. You played with people to get more power and in the process, hundreds of THOUSANDS of people died. You encouraged conspiracy theories for your own ends, incited violence, and fucked with our democracy to line your pockets. You used a pandemic to rake in millions in money while letting your constituents starve because of some bullshit individualistic philosophy that you don’t even fucking practice. All of you fuckers DESERVED the violence today. And I do mean ALL. There are consequences for your words and actions or lack thereof and today was the first time any of you experienced that. Millions of people marched this summer and nothing changed because of lobbyists and private donors and unwieldy messaging/verbage. 350,000 people died while you all bickered from the safety of your universal healthcare and guaranteed paychecks. Your people have been screaming for months and instead of doing your jobs, you fanned the flames to get more votes. Fuck. You. You talk about change and do nothing. You talk about values and have none. You talk talk TALK about how the other side is fucking us over. 350,000 people dead because one side was flippant about a plague and the other side couldn’t stop being smug about how dumb that was. Real fucking mature. People were scared about losing their lives (either from the viris or the economy) and instead of compassion, you m o c k e d them. Instead of solutions, you pointed fingers. I’d ask how you sleep at night but I imagine it’s on silk sheets in your mansion. Again, and I mean this with my whole heart FUCK YOU. Be grateful it was just the cosplayers who broke into the Capitol today and not actual revolutionaries.

AND ANOTHER THING. To all you irresponsible news outlets, FUCK YOU SIDEWAYS. Reporting rumors and theories as if they’re facts, amplifying conspiracy theories by talking about them constantly, giving Trump a platform 24/7 either by being his mouthpiece or repeating his bs for shock value, letting op eds replace journalism, and pandering to the fringe, all of that has to stop. I can’t stomach it any more. Take the news out of your fucking names. You aren’t reporters, you aren’t journalists, you aren’t news. I get more accurate news from Trevor Noah and he hosts an actual Fake News Program. And hey, I know you go with what sells because you have zero integrity, and what sells is Scandal, Sex, Conspiracy, etc. You are merely a reflection of what the consumer wants. But you know what? My toddler wants to eat cheese ALL DAY. Do I let him? Fuck yeah, have you ever met a toddler? Do I also make sure he eats other things like bananas and raisins and drinks water so he’s still healthy? Fuck yeah. Cuz I’m a responsible fucking adult and I don’t wanna be on a Mom Page asking about the symptoms of rickets. I like cheese and I like that he likes cheese, but I know giving him ONLY what he wants has bad consequences. Is this analogy working for you or do I need more make up and hairspray and a non-regional dialect to get it across? Do. Your. Job. Or. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Guys. Guys. I am so tired. I have a toddler who doesn’t sleep and is potty training. I am 35 years old and I have to chase him around a playground in 34°F weather and then make him eat something besides cheese. I have been in a low simmer rage all year and I have lost all my creative drive and I have to be my husband and son’s only friend because we just moved to a new state in a pandemic and we can’t make friends because of fucking covid. Please. Just burn this country down already. I can’t take the suspense.

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Filed under Ramblings, Rants

It’s the Little Things


Nothing is ever gained by reading the comments.

I’d like that inscribed my gravestone. Or on the plaque marking the tree growing out of my remains.

It never fails. Read an inspiring article or personal account or harrowing experience, maybe something I relate to on a deeply personal level. Feel validated or vindicated. This person gets it. I’m not alone in this thought or philosophy or experience. Just don’t read the comments.

Don’t do it.

You’ll regret it.

Well, the ones I can see are all positive so maybe I’ll just scroll down a little…

Damnit. I hate people.

It’s not just the Trolls. Those are easy to pick out. Look at me! Making libtards/snowflakes/sjws/whatever fight me in the comments is the only way my tiny dick gets hard. NOT ALL MEN! WHOO!

The non sequiturs are annoying. I didn’t read the post, but I fully agree/disagree for a long paragraph that has nothing to do with anything. Please validate me because the cats don’t cuddle me as much as I thought they would.

It’s tragic that you lost your baby months before it was born, but we prayed really hard and our friend’s daughter didn’t have a Down Syndrome baby so it’s a good thing they didn’t abort.

The “I support you but not how you express yourself/protest” comments.

The “that’s not how I handled a dissimilar situation” comments.

The “My story is so much worse, let me prove it” comments.

I think, after much consideration, the worst comments are Dismissives.

Yes, it is awful that some stranger harassed you on the subway and women face this blatant disrespect EVERY DAY, but get over it because there are starving children in China. I hope you’re happy that we don’t live in a country were female genitals are ritually mutilated and you’re allowed to leave your house without a male escort.

I’m sorry that your rapist went unpunished, but there is an island of trash in the Pacific and 16 species of bee went extinct in the last ten minutes. So, you know, get over it.

Ok, yes. There are a lot of problems in the world, but how exactly does pointing that out help? Does snidely tacking on #firstworldproblems when people are harassed or bullied or triggered make anything better?

It’s such a little issue in the grand scheme of things, why did you waste the time to complain?

Well I say, eff that jazz. When you’re hurting, you may think it helps to remember that others have it worse. Well, it doesn’t. Your pain is unique to you, there’s no scale you have to measure up to before you qualify to feel pain or anger or fear. “You must be this traumatized to ride the Shitty Life Roller Coaster.” Bull. Shit.

We are all trying to get by. I’m trying to save the planet by ditching straws and buying package-free products and recycling bottles and paper scraps even though I know I can never make up for the sheer magnitude of 100 years of industrial waste. And everything I do to help the environment is usually just as bad as not helping. (Like buying a hybrid or electric car to reduce my carbon footprint only to find that building and shipping that car caused so much pollution that I’d have to drive it for 1000 years just to break even.)

I’m hoping to raise my son to treat all people with respect, even while judges refuse to hold grown men accountable for raping preteens because they took money from him so they were the aggressors. And women saying it’s better to thank a catcaller because ignoring them can cause escalation from friendly flirtation to murder, even though catcalling is totally harmless. And people are more pissed off about aborting dead babies and kneeling athletes than black kids being shot for wearing hoodies.

How am I supposed to protect my son from toxic masculinity if you think it’s what bought him his freedom? How do I explain Conversion Therapy and 22 veteran suicides a day? How much damage will I have to undo when you tell him that boys don’t cry? Don’t be a pussy. That’s gay. Man up. Remember, son, your problems are insignificant, so stop bitching and go chop some wood and threaten to rape a girl because she’s playing a video game.

How about instead of telling a girl that a random stranger yelling that he’d totally fuck her is a compliment, we tell boys that catcalls are a threat? And asking for a hug is a subtle way of reminding women that if you wanted to, you could rape her behind a dumpster and leave her for dead because you have great swim times.

To return to my point, it is an ugly world out there. But we aren’t going to fix it by pointing at the ugly and yelling at people to get over their issues. If we don’t fix the little problems, we’re screwed.

To quote the late great, Aretha Franklin: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

That means you don’t treat people like things. Even if you disagree with their politics. Even if you feel attracted to them. Even if you can’t see their faces. Stop responding to criticism with insults. Stop adding to their suffering to make yourself feel more important or righteous. Stop blaming victims for their abuse. Just stop being assholes. Don’t be a pretentious twat waffle. Why is that so hard?

Maybe if we start respecting people again, we can start respecting other things.

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Filed under Ramblings, Rants

Good Day/Bad Day


It’s been a day.  I had all my favorite classes and I actually managed to contribute to the conversation in Vampires today.  Granted I was trying to explain why I felt sympathetic toward the pedophile/murderer, but that’s the kind of thing you have to do when you’re discussing a Swedish vampire book (Let the Right One In => I highly recommend it).  I also got to courteously tell someone that we were switching up the blog groups.

Here’s the thing, teacher says she wants blog groups of 3-4.  Due to complex social conventions I don’t fully understand, we ended up with a group of 6.  So we decided to work together and then split the group in two for posting.  We decided who was in which group and when the teacher opened the sign-up list, I leaped on group one.  Then Dumb Girl (she is not actually dumb, probably, she just annoys me), who was supposed to be in the other group, cocked it up by joining my group.

The problem with having a bigger group is that it makes scheduling meetings more complicated (people are apparently incapable of communicating in any other manner than face-to-face).  And then there are the people who don’t like to participate at all, to include not bothering to show up to meetings, etc.  We had a meeting before Spring Break and half the group didn’t show; one from mine, two from the other.  Made it a little difficult to really discuss anything.  And we thought, “Hey, why don’t we rearrange the groups for the next blog so that the three of us who reliably show up are in the same group.”

I think my two co-conspirators thought it would be best to just switch groups on the sly.  When the next blog opens, they would just make sure they sign up for my group first.  But part of the reason I got stuck with such a large group is because they are all friends.  You know how that is, right?  A casual friend joins you for lunch and he/she is joined by a bunch of other friends that you don’t particularly like, but you can’t just get up and leave.  And why should you leave.  You were here first.  Anyway, the sneaky way couldn’t work.  And if it did, peeps would be all disgruntled by the subterfuge.

So, when one of the girls from the other group got to class, I told her we were switching the groups, because that’s what responsible adults do.  She asked why and I told her, truthfully, that our schedules synced up best.  Then I said that she was getting Dumb Girl, who is her friend, not mine.  Her mature response?  “What the f*ck?”  When I turned her exclamation in to a question, she complains that now she will have to do all the work.  The guy who was going to switch groups, in clear panic, stammered that we didn’t have to change groups.

Here’s the part that really bugs me.  She’s full of sh*t.  A) She didn’t show up to either meeting we had for the most recent blog AND she didn’t post any comments to the google doc I posted for the purpose of sharing ideas.  Based on what her group posted this week (on cowboys as modern knights), she didn’t do much work on  it at all, to include basic proof-reading.  B) Dumb Girl, while she needs prodding, is capable of participating.  We did our post on Neverwhere,  and while I had time to read the novel and loaned the other girl the graphic novel, Dumb Girl went and watched the BBC miniseries that the book is based on.  She contributed a good deal to the post and while it wasn’t all what I would call “gold,” it wasn’t what I would call dumb, either.  C) DUMB GIRL IS HER GORAM FRIEND.  I DIDN’T WANT HER IN MY GROUP.  AND PEOPLE WHO DON’T RESPOND TO EMAILS OR POST ON DISCUSSIONS DON’T GET TO BE UPSET ABOUT DECISIONS MADE BY PEOPLE WHO DO SHOW UP.

It shouldn’t matter anyway, since we’re all working together.  Whatevs.

I got to interview the Green Team (Environmental Sustainability) for the paper, which went pretty well.  They seem super enthusiastic about stuff.

I was also published today:

http://www.evolllution.com/featured/whos-boss-unexpected-challenges-transitioning-military-higher-ed/

Then I went to work.  I didn’t speak much. We closed an hour and a half later than usual.  My co-workers have decided that since I’m the fastest at dishes and I like doing dishes (hot water, task I can’t possibly screw up), that they’re going to start saving the dishes for me.  And because I want them done quickly, and done my way (the best way, but not so best that I want to try making anyone else do it that way), I do them.  I am tired of smelling like bleach but at least I rarely get that tone directed at me.  I just…never mind.  Waste of energy.

Then I found my Mom’s blog:

http://www.ihavebetterthingstodo.wordpress.com

She just started documenting her struggle with weight loss, which I have been trying to help her with from a distance.  It isn’t like some stupid TV show where a bunch of twenty-somethings try to get beautiful.  It is a genuine struggle and I look forward to doing all I can to encourage her in this endeavor.  By writing about her experience, she is not only keeping track of her habits/progress, she is giving people a unique perspective on a huge problem in this country.

We shame obese people, you know.  Why don’t you just go to the gym?  Why don’t you just eat better?  It’s not hard.  I know I’ve had these thoughts.  But I’ve never had to struggle with my weight, not yet, so what the h*ll do I know?  It’s that “just” which causes the most harm, as though changing decades-old habits should come easily, like flicking on a switch.  And even when people start, there’s this pressure for immediate results, like everything else in this instant society.  Those weight loss commercials don’t help.  I lost 180 lbs in just 2 weeks!  BS.  Even if a magic pill or smoothie managed that kind of radical change, the weight loss was not due to behavioral change, cannot be healthy (since the human body does not like radical change, just ask deep-sea divers), and will therefore be short-lived.

And now that I have my opinion column for next week, it’s time for me to do the dinner dishes (Buddy cooked, so I clean) and get to bed.

And in the morning, when I awaken exhausted as usual, I will think “Why don’t I just go to bed earlier?”

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