Tag Archives: Honesty

It’s the Little Things

Nothing is ever gained by reading the comments.

I’d like that inscribed my gravestone. Or on the plaque marking the tree growing out of my remains.

It never fails. Read an inspiring article or personal account or harrowing experience, maybe something I relate to on a deeply personal level. Feel validated or vindicated. This person gets it. I’m not alone in this thought or philosophy or experience. Just don’t read the comments.

Don’t do it.

You’ll regret it.

Well, the ones I can see are all positive so maybe I’ll just scroll down a little…

Damnit. I hate people.

It’s not just the Trolls. Those are easy to pick out. Look at me! Making libtards/snowflakes/sjws/whatever fight me in the comments is the only way my tiny dick gets hard. NOT ALL MEN! WHOO!

The non sequiturs are annoying. I didn’t read the post, but I fully agree/disagree for a long paragraph that has nothing to do with anything. Please validate me because the cats don’t cuddle me as much as I thought they would.

It’s tragic that you lost your baby months before it was born, but we prayed really hard and our friend’s daughter didn’t have a Down Syndrome baby so it’s a good thing they didn’t abort.

The “I support you but not how you express yourself/protest” comments.

The “that’s not how I handled a dissimilar situation” comments.

The “My story is so much worse, let me prove it” comments.

I think, after much consideration, the worst comments are Dismissives.

Yes, it is awful that some stranger harassed you on the subway and women face this blatant disrespect EVERY DAY, but get over it because there are starving children in China. I hope you’re happy that we don’t live in a country were female genitals are ritually mutilated and you’re allowed to leave your house without a male escort.

I’m sorry that your rapist went unpunished, but there is an island of trash in the Pacific and 16 species of bee went extinct in the last ten minutes. So, you know, get over it.

Ok, yes. There are a lot of problems in the world, but how exactly does pointing that out help? Does snidely tacking on #firstworldproblems when people are harassed or bullied or triggered make anything better?

It’s such a little issue in the grand scheme of things, why did you waste the time to complain?

Well I say, eff that jazz. When you’re hurting, you may think it helps to remember that others have it worse. Well, it doesn’t. Your pain is unique to you, there’s no scale you have to measure up to before you qualify to feel pain or anger or fear. “You must be this traumatized to ride the Shitty Life Roller Coaster.” Bull. Shit.

We are all trying to get by. I’m trying to save the planet by ditching straws and buying package-free products and recycling bottles and paper scraps even though I know I can never make up for the sheer magnitude of 100 years of industrial waste. And everything I do to help the environment is usually just as bad as not helping. (Like buying a hybrid or electric car to reduce my carbon footprint only to find that building and shipping that car caused so much pollution that I’d have to drive it for 1000 years just to break even.)

I’m hoping to raise my son to treat all people with respect, even while judges refuse to hold grown men accountable for raping preteens because they took money from him so they were the aggressors. And women saying it’s better to thank a catcaller because ignoring them can cause escalation from friendly flirtation to murder, even though catcalling is totally harmless. And people are more pissed off about aborting dead babies and kneeling athletes than black kids being shot for wearing hoodies.

How am I supposed to protect my son from toxic masculinity if you think it’s what bought him his freedom? How do I explain Conversion Therapy and 22 veteran suicides a day? How much damage will I have to undo when you tell him that boys don’t cry? Don’t be a pussy. That’s gay. Man up. Remember, son, your problems are insignificant, so stop bitching and go chop some wood and threaten to rape a girl because she’s playing a video game.

How about instead of telling a girl that a random stranger yelling that he’d totally fuck her is a compliment, we tell boys that catcalls are a threat? And asking for a hug is a subtle way of reminding women that if you wanted to, you could rape her behind a dumpster and leave her for dead because you have great swim times.

To return to my point, it is an ugly world out there. But we aren’t going to fix it by pointing at the ugly and yelling at people to get over their issues. If we don’t fix the little problems, we’re screwed.

To quote the late great, Aretha Franklin: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

That means you don’t treat people like things. Even if you disagree with their politics. Even if you feel attracted to them. Even if you can’t see their faces. Stop responding to criticism with insults. Stop adding to their suffering to make yourself feel more important or righteous. Stop blaming victims for their abuse. Just stop being assholes. Don’t be a pretentious twat waffle. Why is that so hard?

Maybe if we start respecting people again, we can start respecting other things.


Filed under Ramblings, Rants

Attitude Problem

Yesterday was a day.  It was a bad day at work which turned into my last day at work.  It is a relief, though it was very upsetting at the time.

Here’s the facts.  I have an attitude problem and I am not good at hiding it.  I don’t like being spoken down to.  I don’t like being told what to do.  That’s not to say that I can’t follow directions.  I like lists, I like directions, I like rules and order.  I do not like being micro-managed.  It is extremely insulting because it implies that I am incapable of doing simple tasks without someone holding my hand.  So, when someone speaks down to me or treats me like an infant, I get angry.  I try to keep it to myself, but I don’t have complete control over myself.  My anger will leak into my voice, into my movements.  I don’t like it.  I would prefer to have a Jedi/Vulcan calm.  I suppose everyone would.

I also need people to like me, trust me, praise me.  I don’t like being wrong at all.  These are character flaws and I struggle with them, like everyone.

So, it was a bad day at work.  We were short-staffed because a few other people have decided they would prefer to work elsewhere.  Fewer people means that I feel rushed to do things and some tasks that should be done periodically are ignored because there is so much to do and not enough people to do everything.  Instead of trusting the manager to, well, manage the situation, maybe lending a hand as needed, the boss dictates everything we do and how and in what order.

And, in my opinion, it was the wrong order.  It was infuriating.  I do not like asking permission to do necessary tasks.  You could say that I was losing control and I wouldn’t argue with you.  The boss has every right to dictate how things are done and as an employee, I should try to follow those dictates regardless of my personal opinions.  I was a soldier.  I know how to take orders.

I guess part of the problem is that I was a soldier.  I was an NCO, trained to lead and to take command.  I was only an E-5, a buck sergeant, enough rank to expect some autonomy and respect, but not enough to suffer the stress of command.  You could say that I have experience in training personnel, dealing with stressful situations, and assessing and prioritizing tasks.  (I should also explain that I have a compulsion to finish tasks and I am the type of person that has to stack dishes before I start washing them.)

I guess it came to a head when a piece of equipment fell off the disorderly pile of dishes onto the floor and I was told to be more careful and that it shouldn’t have been put where it was and I managed not to scream that if someone had let me do some of the dishes then maybe things wouldn’t be precariously perched and…

Instead of yelling I shrugged, found a better place to put it on the stack and went about doing may assigned tasks a bit louder than was probably necessary.  A short time later, I was called to the front of the shop where I was asked if I had a problem with the boss and encouraged to be honest.  I said yes.  I was given the choice of working it out with her right now or looking for a new job.  So I said that I did not need this job, offered to finish the day but was told to leave immediately (which I was grateful for and completely understand).

I cried some, which is to be expected, and I let it torment me a lot.  Could I have found a way to work it out?  I don’t know.  How do you explain to someone that a civilian saying she gave me an order is deeply offensive?  How do I tell her husband that her managerial style is so poisonous that she is driving away all her employees?  How do I get across that I cannot be treated like a bad dog?  I may downplay my experience in the military, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to disregard that I am a decorated combat veteran.  I may not have seen any “action” (i.e I didn’t have to shoot at anyone), but I did my duty and I am not some kid who can be treated like crap just because I need to make rent and will put up with rudeness for a paycheck.  I don’t need a job.  I really only wanted a job to keep me occupied and gain civilian work experience.  My husband is the one paying the bills, and doing a stellar job of it.  And he will continue to be the bread winner until I finish school and start in on my own career and become rich and famous.

I am capable of being a mature adult even after all of this.  I emailed my old boss to thank him for the opportunity and experience, as well as his gracious flexibility concerning my rather flexible schedule.  I am sorry it couldn’t have ended more amiably, but so it goes.  His response was courteous, so while I can’t expect a glowing reference from him, I can at least continue to attend the same church as him.  That is the greatest relief for me right now.  I can’t stand people not liking me.

My biggest regret is that my absence is going to negatively affect my coworkers, and they are already stressed enough.  But sometimes you have to do what is right for your own state of mind and I lost far too much sleep over that job.

So that is my attitude problem.  If my prospective employers are reading this, I hope they understand that I am not trying to make excuses or justify myself, nor am I trying to place blame in anyone else’s corner.  I am trying to be honest with myself so that I can improve for next time.

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