Tag Archives: laziness vs willpower

Acceptable Excuses

Every morning, when I get up to feed the cats and go for my walk, I argue with the excuses.  I have a very long list of excuses that try to convince me that they are reasonable.  It looks like rain.  You stayed up too late last night.  It’s okay to miss one day.  You are just too tired.  The bed is so soft and warm.  It’s chilly out there.  It’s too hot.  You slept in too late.  You just don’t feel like it.  Who cares?  No one will know but you and Buddy, and he won’t judge you.  You never say anything when he skips a work out.  It’s not like you’re fat or anything.  You don’t really need to work out.  You’re not like all those other people out there with their Wal-Mart and their fast food.  You can always start exercising when you actually start gaining weight, which is what all of them should have done.  I mean, how do they let themselves get that unhealthy before they decide to do something about it?

My mind is not especially charitable at 6 am.  Actually, I can be a right b*tch first thing in the morning.  After coffee, I can feel ashamed for such thoughtlessness and I can remind myself that I am not magically immune to all the traps that can lead to unhealthy decisions and behaviors.  If I was immune to anything, I wouldn’t have to argue with that niggling little voice every morning, would I?

I have made an agreement with myself concerning excuses.  There are 3 acceptable excuses.  It must be raining, not sprinkling or threatening rain.  Thunder and lightning are a plus.  OR it must be less than 45°F outside, though I may change that after I take a walk at that temp.  I know running would keep me warm enough for that temp to be manageable, but walking doesn’t warm me up nearly as much as running.  OR I have a migraine.  Sunlight and sweating will only exacerbate it and migraines are hard enough to get rid of without annoying them.

Yesterday, I woke up to a railroad spike being driven through the top of my skull.  It was about an hour before my normal wake up time, so I took some meds to hopefully kill the bugger before I had to go walk.  When my alarm went off, it was still there, trying to push my brain out through my ears.  So I went back to bed and didn’t get up until 11 am.  Yeah, I know.  But Buddy had the morning off and it was hard to leave him when I was just so comfortable.  I spent the rest of the day lazing on the couch, reading and watching Doctor Who.  I rewarded myself for that super lazy day with no chocolate and a glass of wine with dinner.  And then I stayed up until 3 am because apparently I can’t simply stop watching David Tennant’s last episode.  As they say, it hit me in the feels.

This morning, I got up and fed the cats almost an hour late (sorry kitties).  Then the excuses started their roll call.  I know myself.  If I give into the excuse once, it’s that much easier to give in again.  I like rules.  I need rules.  If I sleep in, there is no way I’m going to work out later.  If I skip one day for a petty reason, then I’ll need herculean determination to get put of bed the next morning.  As Mad-Eye would say, “CONSTANT VIGILANCE!”

I will lose this battle occasionally.  I’m human.  I am weak and lazy.  That’s why I need bribery and cajoling and name calling to get me going.  I won this morning.  You’re already standing, you know.  You can always take a nap afterward, like you normally do.  Stop being so lazy, unless you want to become fat.  Fat and ugly and unloved and undeserving.  Like I said.  I can be pretty nasty before coffee.

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Filed under Ramblings

Today, I Did Stuff

You know when you do something selfish, but it’s okay because it doesn’t really harm anyone?  Like get a piece of cake with lunch or rarely volunteer to drive (especially first thing in the morning)?  My husband doesn’t complain about little selfish acts like that, probably because he knows I am aware I’m being selfish and will make it up to him once the guilt kicks in.  And like I said, these aren’t major transgressions.  I finished finals and I was feeling low and cake went a long way to alleviating that mood before it darkened into a depressing self-pity party.  And I prefer Buddy’s driving because he doesn’t start falling asleep like a newborn after ten minutes on the road.  That and I get to read.  But on a day-to-day, not on a long road-trip basis, we trade off pretty evenly.

So, when we moved into the house almost (gasp) two years ago, one of the first things we had to decide was the assigning of the walk-in closets.  They both had their benefits.  One had a higher main hanging rack on two walls as well as built-in wire shelves while the other had a lower hanging rack that extended to all three walls and more floor space.  At first, I wanted the shelves, but once I realized that the other closet was bigger, I had to have it.  Girls need big closets, I told myself.  Buddy didn’t argue.

It must have been a month or two ago when I went to retrieve a hanger from Buddy’s closet to hang up one of his shirts to dry.  I don’t remember exactly when it was, just that I was utterly shocked at how packed his clothes were in the closet.  I could barely get a hand in between to seize a hanger.  Since then, the barrenness of my closet has been getting to me.  I don’t have a ton of clothes, mostly because frequent moves force me to evaluate just how often I actually wear items before I add them to the moving weight.  Turnover can be pretty high and I hate looking at clothes I don’t wear anymore.  I don’t wear them because they have become…ugly somehow.  They don’t suit me and need to go away.  I don’t like ugly, I guess.

The problem with a sparse closet, like an empty shopping cart, is that it wants to be filled.  That impulse got me into a lot of trouble when I was still a patron of Walmart.  Now I have safeguards in place so I don’t go crazy.  For one, I don’t make the money in this house yet and asking if I can buy something really makes me question how much I need it.  I also have a “buy to replace” policy.  I don’t buy new jeans unless I have a pair that needs replacing.  Same thing for all my other garments.  Most importantly, though, I only have three extra hangers.  You might think that’s not a big obstacle to someone really drawn to shiny new things, but it’s actually pretty effective.

See, I have super thin hangers, some purple, some gray.  They stopped selling the purple ones, so I use them for summer clothes and the gray ones for winter and dress clothes.  These hangers are hard to find and I hate mismatched hangers.  It doesn’t look neat.  So I’m not going to go out and buy any old hangers after a shopping binge.  The fact that they have to be specific hangers that are hard to find makes me focus again on if I need something enough to make the hassle worth it.  And that’s how I curb some of my compulsive behaviors.  It’s not will power.  It’s laziness.

So anyway, the empty closet wants to be filled and I am going on a shopping trip with my best friend at the end of the month.  But realistically, that trip is not going to have a serious effect on the volume of my clothes.  I have a pretty small budget for this trip and I have specific goals in mind (buy to replace).  Besides, what was really bothering me wasn’t en empty closet.  It was a closet packed to the gills and someone not complaining for a year and a half.  I couldn’t have done that.  Whenever something doesn’t suit me, you’ll hear about it, through politeness or sarcasm (or bitterness if I don’t know you’re listening).

Today, I fixed it.  I switched our closets and it worked out beautifully.  I asked first, because I learned as a teenager that just because my plans are better doesn’t mean I have a right to impose them when my roommate is out (how my sister and I lived to adulthood is beyond me).  There is still a little work to do, like hanging pictures and such, but Buddy has room for his shirts and suits and uniforms without having to crush them all in.  We might be walking into each others’ closets for a few days, but that’s a price I’m willing to pay for correcting my selfishness.

I did manage other things today.  We broke up the flowerbed up front, chucking the mostly dead bushes in the back marsh.  In the process, I found a buried paint can lid and a large hunk of cement that Buddy had to break out with the sledge-hammer.  I do love it when builders take short cuts.

Yesterday, I purchased the first new book I’ve bought since maybe last summer.  It’s the newest of Patricia Briggs’ Mercy Thompson series, which is a nice place to turn for fluff after a semester of heavy reading.  It’s been so long since I read her series that I’ve decided to run through it again, since I have some time.  I finished the first book today.  This won’t be like the Wheel of Time series which took me all last summer and a good hunk of the fall.  I’ll keep you posted, because I’m sure you will be salivating over what book I’m on.

Tomorrow (later today) we tackle the big flowerbed.  Wahoo!!!

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